Wednesday, April 19, 2017

8 Months

Emmett is still getting into everything the only difference lately is he's so much faster than he used to be. He's very resilient so he'll hit his head, get stuck, and fall over but keeps on trying. He loves to climb, so I'll put big pillows on the ground so he can climb over them. Always saying mama and dada. His personality just keeps coming out the older he gets and we love watching it! 

Sleep: Emmett is still sleeping though the night. I finally wrote a blog post about his how we sleep trained him and you can find that HERE and HERE if you have any questions. I've been trying to get him more on a 2 naps a day schedule but I've noticed, he has to have a power nap at least an hour before bed or he wakes up really early in the morning. So he's still on 3 naps a day, a morning nap for about an hour and a half, and afternoon nap for at least an hour, and then a late afternoon nap around 3:30/4:00 PM for about 30ish minutes. Still going to bed at 7:00-7:30PM :)

Eating: While Emmett has been teething, it's usually his feeding that is most effected. When he got his first two teeth he became less interested in solid foods and took better to the bottle. But now it seems like the opposite. He has his top two teeth coming in and he would rather eat solids and drink from his sip cup than drink his bottle. He likes pretty much anything and everything when it comes to solids but there are some things he doesn't. Bananas, avocados, and eggs seem to take him longer to eat and he'll make weird faces while eating them. I can't tell if it's the taste or the texture of these food that he doesn't like but he will turn them down every once in a awhile. He eats about 3 times a day with a snack or two depending on the day.

-Top two teeth are coming in
-Walking along side all the furniture 
-He does a little sumo squat to try and stand up by himself
-He crawls with one leg propped up to stand, it's the funniest thing! But he's doing it as he tried to stand, so it's pretty cute.
-He waves, gives high fives, and claps in his own ways (by slapping his hands on whatever is beneath him) lol!
-He makes this certain little noise when he wants attention from us
-Eating solids, no more purees 
-Drinks mostly out of his sip cup
-He is having slight separation anxiety with me, he's still really good about being around new people but definitely wants me to comfort at certain times.
-He can crawl up stairs and can go down by himself pretty well too! 
-Using his index finger and thumb

Growth: Not totally sure because he doesn't get checked until he's 9 months but he is almost solely in 24 month/ 2T clothes.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

27 Week Update

How far along: 27 weeks and 3 days

Size: She is the size of a bunch of bananas; weighing almost 2 lbs

Symptoms: Pretty much the same symptoms in the past 2 weeks. We did a lot of walking these past couple weeks and I noticed that my feet were starting to swell, not much just if I'm on my feet a lot. They will feel thicker... If that makes sense, Wy says he can't tell (but I can). I feel like I spend half of my day peeing. I can't drink more than a few sips of water without having to go to the bathroom, it's pretty ridiculous. This is definitely something I won't miss after I have her. But other than that, I feel her kicking all the time. It's cute until she gets up under my ribs! haha! 

Weight Gain: I've gained 4 lbs in the last month! :) So I'm at a total of 8 lbs for this pregnancy.

Sleep: Sleep is still going pretty good. I'm only waking a couple of times during the night which is better, and it's mostly just to pee. I'm still trying to take advantage of myself not being as tired as I was first trimester, because I know how fast it comes back on for me my 3rd trimester.

Best Moments: I had my anatomy scan right around 25 weeks. They found a spot on her heart, so I had to come back the following week for a follow up with the doctor. I was pretty stressed out about it because they said if it is a certain type of spot it could be linked to down syndrome. Fortunately, we went back and the spot was gone so there was so reason to have any further testing. But that news has definitely been the best. We did go to Disneyland, San Diego, and Las Vegas the week prior and that was a lot of fun.

Cravings: Nothing in particular. But I'm a lot more hungry now which is great so I'm eating everything in sight! :)


Monday, April 17, 2017

Our Easter

Before I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of The Latter Day Saints I never really understood Easter. I went 20 years not really knowing or understanding Chris’s resurrection. It's crazy for me to think about that because I can't imagine not having a relationship with Christ now as I have become a wife and a mother. Having a relationship with Christ has been such a blessing in my life and I love remembering Him during this season. This Easter meant a lot to me as I got to spend it with my little family and soak in the love I feel for my Savior. I'm happy that I get to share my knowledge of Christ with my children and help them build a relationship with Him, the prince of peace. 
Yesterday, we had a good time a church and Emmett took great naps. He’s only 8 months old so he can’t really go hunting for easter eggs yet, but he loved to crawl in the grass and play with whatever eggs he could get a hold of. The few eggs that we got him I just filled with goldfish snacks. He loved to shake them around. He also had his first peep yesterday (not the healthiest snack but it didn't kill him lol). He wasn't a huge fan and thought it was a toy! Haha! It was just so fun to have his cousins over too. Watching them all was the best! I can’t wait until next year when he has his baby sister to help him hunt for eggs. :)


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

My Sleep Training Story (Part 2)

For this post I'm going to go over exactly what I did with Emmet from the 1st day, to where we are right now and the specific benefits we've experienced these past 6 months. :)

Our 1st Night

**We started sleep training almost to the day that Emmett turned 2 months old. It only took us 1 night to get him to sleep through the night. I've heard from some people that it's common for that to happen when sleep training this early, but I've also heard that it could take some babies up to 4-6 days. It took him 4 days to get naps down. So he was fully sleep trained at 5 days. I'm not a sleep training specialist, this is solely our experience :)**

The first night of sleep training was the worst. You'd think it was because we didn't sleep because his crying was so awful... nope. I was hardly sleeping anyway so it wasn't much different from the past week. His cries we're sad, but nothing like how he cries when he hungry or how he had cried in the carseat, so all of it was very tolerable... What got me, was all this weird mom guilt I was having. I felt like I was neglecting him because I was trying to teach him how to sleep. But after seeing how great he sleeps now, I see that it was literally crazy thinking. But luckily my husband and one of my best friends we're extremely supportive and helped me truck through that first night, along with these two books, Baby knows best: Raising a Confident and Resourceful Child the RIE Way 
by: Deborah Carlisle Rhythms and Routines & Schedules: How to Simplify Life With Kids by Rachel NormanIf you ever want to try sleep training, I think it will help you be more confident if you go in with the mindset that you are doing a great thing for your baby and teaching them one of the most essential skills of life so early on.  :) 

The process took us about 4 1/2 hours to get him to sleep that night with one feeding in-between. 
I didn't let him go more than 10 mins crying. All moms have different limits. For example, some moms do 10 mins and some 20 minutes.  It’s all about your preference. I never allowed Emmett to get hysterical while crying and I think that was mostly in part of the 10 min limit I had for him.

So, the first night I put him down at 9:30 PM (which was REALLY early at the time). At first, he didn't cry for like 15 mins. I was kinda shocked. Then at 15 mins he started crying, so I would time it for 2 minutes, go in and calm him until he was done crying. Than I would wait until he would cry again and just keep going in at 2 minute increments until maxing out at 10 minutes. To calm him down I would place my hand on his chest and repeat "it's ok, you're ok". It would usually just take a minute or so to calm him down, but there were a few times during those 4 hours where it would take 5 mins or so. But every time I calmed him down, he wouldn't even notice that I left the room. 

That night the process was tedious, but I was extremely consistent. Through calming him down, I never picked him up except for 1 feeding at 11:30AM which was 2 hours into the training process… He would go like 20 mins at a time without crying just making baby noises which really wasn't bad. 

That night Emmett slept from 12:30-6:30 AM. It was the longest stretch he had ever done and I was amazed.  He had found his thumb and fingers and was able to self soothe. The next night I did the same thing, but only experienced less than half of the tears. He fell asleep at 10:30PM that night and slept until 6:30 AM straight. By the end of the week he was at 10 hours straight, with it only taking him 10 mins to fall asleep by himself. By the time Emmett was 12 weeks old he was sleeping 12 hours and allowing us to put him down for naps and nighttime sleep in his room without crying


I basically did the same consoling in 10 minute increments for naps during that week. It took longer to get him on a nap schedule as opposed to night sleeping because I was running errands with him all the time, so it was harder to stay as consistent. But I was able to successfully have him on a napping schedule by day 5. 

*For Emmett and his good sleep habits the one thing that was the most important was consistency*

Our Schedule's:
2-4 month schedule:
These two months were the most consistent months of this whole process. I stayed pretty strict to this schedule. But this was the most strict I was through it all. I basically followed this as close as I could to get him used to naps and nighttime sleep. I think doing it this way for us worked great because it gave us more freedom after he was 4 months old.

This was the schedule I used:
6:00 AM- 6:30AM: Wake up/Feed/Play
7:30AM- 9:30AM: Nap
9:30 AM- 10:30 AM: Feed/Play
10:30 AM- 12:30 PM: Nap
12:30 PM- 1:30 PM: Feed/Play
1:30 PM- 3:00 PM: Nap
3:00 PM- 6:00 PM: Nightly Routine--- (Feed, Play, Feed, Bath, Story-Time, Song, and Prayer)
6:00 PM- 6:00AM: SLEEP

4-6 month schedule:
This is where I became a lot less structured. I was focused more on surviving our move and getting him used to the change. So I followed more of a 1 1/2-2 hour awake period. I also kept him at the earlier bedtime because it worked for us.

6:00 AM- 6:30AM: Wake up & Feed
6:30ish AM-8:30AM: Nap
8:30 AM- 10:30 AM: Feed, Play, Oatmeal/Fruit, and Feed
10:30 AM- 12:30 PM: Nap
12:30 PM- 3:00 PM: Feed, Play, Oatmeal/Fruit, and Feed
3:00 PM- 4:00 PM: Nap
4:00 PM- 6:00 PM: Nightly Routine--- (Feed, Play, Oatmeal/Prunes, Feed, Bath, Story-Time, Song, and Prayer)

7 month-Current:
We are hardly on a schedule now. It's more like he has a 2-3 hour window where he's awake and takes naps from 1-1 1/2 hours. But I could say most of our days go like this:

7:00-7:30AM: Wake up/Change/Feed
9:30-10:30 AM: Nap
10:30-12:30PM: Feed/Change/Play
12:30-1:30PM: Nap
1:30-3:30 PM: Feed/Change/Play
3:30-4:30 PM: Nap
4:30-7:30 PM: Feed/Change/Play/Get ready for bed/Feed

Right now I really like Emmett sleeping from 7-7PM. It's probably my favorite because 6-6 was pretty early, but again it's all preference. I know some moms that love 6-6 and some that love 9-9. It's all up to you and what you feel works best for your family.

The Benefits: 
Basically everything I talked about in post 1 on why we chose to stop co-sleeping and these other reasons listed below.

-I have SO much more freedom. I think one of the biggest misconceptions of having your baby on a routine or schedule is that it's restricting. For us it has been the complete opposite. I can freely run errands, visit friends or family by myself, ride in the car with him for over 2 hours, etc all without him getting too fussy or me getting anxiety.
-He can sleep anywhere. In the carseat, stroller, other peoples houses, all without me. I think this is one of the biggest things for us. We spend most of our time at home but I also have a life in which doesn't necessarily allow us to be cooped up in the house until he's 2. Some days and weeks are busier than others, where I have errands to run, things to do, and places to go. Having him sleep trained allows me not to stress over his temperament in public, because he is getting the appropriate amount of sleep.

-He sleeps for 12 hrs per night. Like I've mentioned before he will move around in the middle of the night but he is literally clockwork when it comes to bedtime. He's ready for his crib anywhere from 7:00PM-7:30PM and wakes up ready to go between 7:00AM-7:30AM. Every single day.
-His naps are predictable. I don't currently have him on a strict schedule but we follow a 2/3 hour window of awakeness. So he takes anywhere from 2-3 naps in the day depending on how long he naps for.

-When he's awake, he's awake and when he's asleep, he's asleep; never drowsy.
-He can be put in his crib without tears and awake. He'll try to find a comfy spot and just put himself to sleep every single time, whether it's nighttime sleep or naps.
-NO nighttime sleep regression. Emmett had no sleep regression in the past 5 months, even through teething.
-I still get all my snuggle and cuddle time with him. Some people think "oh once you stop co-sleeping, the baby won't need you as much or snuggle you"...Nope. I'm still his mom, he'll need me until he's an adult and hello.... right now he's STILL a baby! Yes, he's more active now, but he loves to cuddle and snuggle us ALL THE TIME. Not missing out on anything <3

For us, 1 night of some difficulty was worth it to have a baby that sleeps through the night, takes amazing naps, and allows me to function at the rate I used to function. Now don't get me wrong... We still will have a bad day here and there, but it averages to like once or twice a month if that. The freedom sleep training has given us has really helped me wrap my head around my current pregnancy and know that I can handle 2 babies under 1. I really hope these posts help you guys and that it is a good reference to go back to if/when you decide to sleep train. I love hearing from you and if there is anything else you want to know just shoot me an email :)


My Sleep Training Story (Part 1)

I am still getting questions about Emmett and his sleeping schedule. I have had mom's ask, "how do you get your baby to sleep... for 12 hours/take consistent the carseat/in the pack n play/in his own room/how do you get him to sleep NOT on you, etc?" Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by this because I'm a brand new mom. I have no idea what I'm doing. I go with my gut, the advice from friends and family, and some books I read 100% of the time. I'm not some self proclaimed hippy that's going to tell you you're damaging your baby if they are ever upset around you and cry, but I'm also not exactly "to the book of rigorous schedules and planning" for your baby. What I am going to share is solely our personal experience with sleep training. All babies are different so I don't know if this will work for you. I don't even know if everything I did with Emmett is going to work for our baby girl. But I've finally decided to do this post because, you are all so sweet and have asked me to. I'll split it into two posts because I feel like there is a lot to this and also certain misconceptions of sleep training your baby, and that's what I'll discuss here. In post 2 I'll go over my exact experience from the first day to now. These posts are for those that have specifically asked me these questions and asked for my schedule. So here we go :)

Firstly, I do not believe there is only one way to do anything when it comes to parenting, especially when it comes to babies and their sleep. 

Like I've mentioned in posts before, we were co-sleepers. It worked for us when we were in "survival mode".
I believe that you can make being a new mom as complicated/overwhelming as you want. Having a baby is a total life adjustment, and just meeting your babies essential needs can sometimes become overwhelming. So for things like sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, prepping their baby food, whatever... My approach has always been I'll give anything a try, as long as its safe and good. If it starts creating too much unnecessary work, stress, and cost I'll try to find another way. I'm already stressed out about EVERYTHING! Haha! I also strongly believe that babies are their happiest when mom/family are happy. Learning to control the controllable is huge during these life changes, and sometimes it can be just as hard to decipher what a "controllable" really is. If you're constantly sleep deprived, doing WAY too much laundry, and killing yourself over making your baby's purees... You might want to self evaluate. Is it really worth your sanity, happiness, and time? Can you fix the situation in which you're constantly feeling overwhelmed? Babies can feed off of our energy.

A lot of time our "wanting" to fix things, is outweighed by the amount of effort and work it might initially take to change. I understand that some babies and mom's may have health issues which don't allow them the luxury to try a different approach, but in that case do the best you can, remember to be easy on yourself, and try your best to find the positive :)

So, back to baby sleep, if you search "how should a baby sleep" on google, you will get a million different opinions. Some people swear by co-sleeping until adolescence, some have never had their babies in bed with them, and then there is everyone in between that stays more quiet about their experience. I think we should all be able to share our experiences without criticism, because it can become so helpful. I saw a post on social media from a friend, she retweeted some youtube, basically saying how a sleep trained baby wasn't "normal"... What is "normal" anyway? Find me two babies that are exactly alike in every single way and then we can talk about this co-called "normal". I think this is all such a sad mentality. 

Personally, being a brand new mom and a soon to be mom of two, it's an incredible blessing, but with that comes overwhelming emotions and insecurities. Am I doing this right? Why is my baby still crying? How can I better help my baby while maintaining my sanity? Babies can't speak and sometimes we have no idea how to make it better. Posting/re-posting things that shine a big spotlight on how "different" isn't "normal" is wrong to me. I totally understand that sleep training isn't necessarily for everyone's life and that is perfectly ok too. Different is different, so just do whatever is conducive to your lifestyle. Do what makes you, your baby, and your family happy, and feel GREAT about it! :)

The most asked question I've received is:
*Why did you choose to sleep train?*
Here is your rather long and detailed answer:

 It all started when Emmett was about 2 months old. Up until then we co-slept because it was easier for us. Specifically for me, feeding him every two hours was taking a toll on my body during my recovery and it became easier for me to just roll over and feed him. But around 2 month, is when Emmett starting falling out of his "newborn sleepy stage"... You know, the stage where they literally sleep everywhere all the time. I hear some babies can go up to 4 months until their sleep schedule changes ("the sleep regression" everyone talks about), well Emmett only lasted about 2 months. So, at this point in time I was exhausting myself co-sleeping. I've actually had so many mom's email me saying the same thing. The timing of when their baby's sleep pattern changes varies, but the mom's would say that they started to co-sleep because it became so convenient yet, it became impossible to break their baby from it.

(This was one of his roughest days we had, so I decided that very next day to sleep

During this time, Emmett would wake up more to movement, coughing, or sneezing. My nights became as sleepless as his naps. It was an awful combination. He was sleeping good most days but it became really tough on me. I knew there had to be another way for us. Yes, co-sleeping was easy and I had read articles as to why it was great but at the same time I was wearing thin. All of the new mom's I knew still co-slept, so I didn't personally know anyone who had a baby fully sleep trained. I even had one of these mom's tell me it makes you "super mom" if you can be a mom and run on no sleep. It was so hard for me to wrap my head around that mentality, because not only had this mom never even tried sleep training. But I knew deep down this was a "controllable" for us. I felt like my lack of sleep was becoming selfish because I liked that Emmett needed me to sleep. It wasn't just about the convenience of co-sleeping anymore. I had this overwhelming guilt every single time I had to put him down with me because he could NOT do it by himself. I had heard the stories of how hard of a habit it is to break and I kept telling myself that "he" just wasn't ready yet. But it broke my heart when I couldn't even put him to sleep in my own home while we had company over. I literally had to leave the room to go take a nap with him because there is no way he would be able to do it by himself. One of the most essential skills in life, he wasn't able to do because I had not taught him. That broke my heart more than knowing he wouldn't sleep on me as much. Honestly, Emmett's lack of sleep for about a week straight made me cranky, unproductive, and extremely tired.

-The doctor gave me the green light. Fortunately, Emmett was healthy, thriving, and didn't have any medical conditions or concerns, so his doctor said that he was completely capable to go through the night with NO night time feedings. He said that for babies like Emmett, you can usually try to sleep train them at around 10 lbs. In that case, we really could have tried it at 2 weeks lol. But I wouldn't have even proceeded with sleep training if I didn't get the "go ahead" from his pediatrician.
-Emmett would ONLY fall asleep on my breast. I kept hearing the term "cluster feeding" everywhere and how it was "normal." So I had convinced myself that his constant 30 minute feedings were "normal." I breastfed for about 5 months, sleep trained him at 2 months, and since the day I sleep trained him HAD NO MORE CLUSTER FEEDING ISSUES. None. So I'm spectacle on this whole "cluster feeding" term, but I would have had no idea, if I didn't go with my instinct to sleep train.
-Wyatt and I wanted our marital bed back. Of course, our lives were changed once we became parents and sharing a bed with our newborn was fun in the beginning, but it was also easy for us to see how your kids can take priority over your marriage. I know some people disagree with this but I always try my best to put my marriage first, then Emmett because when we serve each other Emmett's needs are always met. I mean Wy's my #1 guy forever! I totally get that some couples can swing sharing a bed with their baby/kid, which is totally fine! More power to you! But I love our 10-12 hours through the night together.
-Wyatt could not put Emmett down to sleep at all. I value their relationship and I want Emmett to trust Wyatt in every single way, especially when it came to doing something as fundamental as sleep. We share all other baby responsibilities why should I single out sleep/naps as "just mine". Wyatt loves to be involved, and we both wanted him to be able to help with this. I did have someone tell me that co-sleeping helps the baby and dad bond... But not necessarily for us. We use our bed to sleep, not to chat and play with our baby (turns out babies can't really hold conversations in 
-I wanted to try sleep training before Emmett started teething. It's hard for babies to sleep when they are in so much pain. Emmett is no different. But I did want him to have the skills to fall asleep on his own when he started to feel this pain. Emmett just had his first two teeth break through a month ago, is teething again, and has been teething for months. Yes, his naps became more inconsistent during rough patches of his teeth actually coming in, but his night time sleep was the exact same. Since the weeks we had him sleep trained him, he sleeps 12 hours though the night. I can't imagine doing sleepless nights and days while he's in pain. It would be torture for the both of us.
-I wanted to try sleep training before he knew we were kicking him out of our bed. The older he gets the more aware he becomes. That's just what happens when they get older. If he doesn't remember a time with all of us cuddled up together in bed, its going to save us both the heartache.
-Lastly, the biggest reason. I was becoming unpleasant. Emmett and I had a really hard almost two weeks straight. He was "cluster feeding", only wanted to sleep on me, and was crying in the carseat. It was taking a toll on me and my functionality.

One of the biggest misconceptions of sleep training is: 
It's not "normal" for your baby to sleep through the night

I'm only speaking from my experience with Emmett... And yes he sleeps 12 hours through the night. But it doesn't mean that he is completely knocked out those 12 hours. Sometimes he talks a little,  he rustles around, and he tosses and turns. Just like we do during the night. The difference is he knows how to put himself back to sleep, so he doesn't spend the entire night trying to figure it out. Or doesn't need me or Wyatt to do it with him/for him. That was something he wasn't able to do while we were co-sleeping. Yeah, I'd get lucky with a nap here and there, where he'd magically fall asleep by himself because he was so exhausted. Or it'd be a really lucky day if he slept in the carseat during those awful weeks, but 98% of the time I had to go down with him for every single nap, because he could NOT do it by himself. Instead of it "warming up my mama heart...Like aww he needs me to sleep. ALL. THE. TIME." It broke my heart that he couldn't physically do it by himself. 

(Right after waking up from a nap)

In part 2, I'll go over step by step what I did and how it worked and the freedom it's given our whole family.


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

25 Week Pregnancy Update

How far along: 25 weeks and 2 days. Better to start these updates now rather than never ;)

Symptoms: I’ve mentioned before my first trimester was pretty hard for me, since Emmett’s pregnancy was basically a dream. But around 16 weeks I started not being so nauseated, which was great. It’s just been since the past month that I've really gotten my energy back.
For example: My first trimester I would sleep like 10 hours though the night and STILL need a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day to function, but now I can function great on just 10-8 hours of sleep without a nap! It makes me feel like en entirely new woman! haha! 

Right before I found out I was pregnant again, I saw a doctor about my herniated belly button. It wasn’t until then that I realized that I actually had one, but it never caused me pain so the doctor said it was fine until it started to constantly bulge or caused a lot of pain. 

Fast forward to February when I started to really show… My belly button was bulging all the time and I was in constant pain whenever I’d pick anything up (especially picking Emmett up). Well I finally asked my doctor about it and she said it because of the hernia, she advised me not to pick up anything especially Emmett as much as I could avoid. She did warn me that it might cause more pain the bigger my belly got and told me that I would have to get surgery postpartum. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to but I guess the fact that is already causing me pain dictates that I will need the surgery. She did tell me to get a belly band to help it from constantly sticking out and she said it should help reduce some pain, and it's totally helped :)

Weight Gain: So far I’ve only gained 4 lbs. It was shocking for me to find that out, because with Emmett this time I had already gained like 15 lbs. My doctor said that it was on the lower side and that she wanted me to be eating more protein. She said by next week she hopes to see that I've gained a little more. 

Sleep: Sleep has been going good this past week because my cold/allergies have subsided. It was awful for a couple weeks because I was getting up every 2 hours (it was like having a newborn w/o the newborn) because I couldn’t breathe and I was up constantly. Asthma and runny noses don’t really mix. 

Best moments: Feeling like I can somewhat handle life again. I’ve felt like pregnancy has been crippling these past 4 months so it’s nice to not feel like I need a nap constantly. 

Feeling her kick ALL the time. I felt her for the first time around 16 weeks and Wyatt felt her for the first time around 18 weeks. But lately we can feel her all the time and I love it. I didn’t realize how much I had missed that feeling <3

Cravings: Smoothies, grapefruit, and oatmeal. I have those 3 things almost every single day.


Monday, April 3, 2017

Finding Out About Baby #2

Considering I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I figured why not start some pregnancy updates! haha! Yeah, 2nd pregnancies can be different than your 1st, and I've taken a little step back from blogging because it became overwhelming for me. But as I look back at my blog posts from Emmett I LOVE that I wrote my updates. I look back at them and think how funny it is to compare the pregnancies and how happy I am that I recorded what I felt. I started this blog as a personal space for myself and as I grow and learn, I've realized that this place is my personal journal that I am able to share with friends, family, and followers and I never want to lose that. So, I want to share this pregnancy and my life as much as I can, along with my personal stories. This story in particular is very personal to me. So, I'll share that with you today and I'll give you a pregnancy update tomorrow! <3

Back in November, I noticed for about 3 days straight Emmett was nursing differently. At this point in time Emmett was solely breastfed, but suddenly he would "pop off" of me while nursing and take to a bottle better. He has always been good with bottles thankfully, because I had an oversupply. But the fact that he wasn't nursing normally was strange to me. In those 3 days, I also noticed during my pumping secessions that I would pump 1-1.5 ounces less than normal. I figured that I must be regulating finally! It gave me an excuse to cut down pumping... haha... If you've ever pumped you know how time consuming and annoying it can be, and up until then I needed to pump to get myself out of pain, because I was constantly engorged. I was happy about this change, but still couldn't figure out why Emmett suddenly seemed uninterested in nursing. A day or so later I physically started to feel different. I mean what is "normal" after pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum recovery, and nursing? Haha! But it felt like my period was supposed to start. It was also the same exact feeling I had before I took a test with Emmett. So, I waited exactly 1 week from that feeling to see if I was going to start. The week came and went... And nothing. Then it was like the pms symptoms just went away. That is when I started to think "what if I'm pregnant"? I thought it was impossible due to the 3 different forms of contraceptive we were using. I hadn't even told Wyatt of my concerns yet because I thought there is no way. So, while Wyatt was sitting on the couch on a Saturday afternoon I went rummaging through our bathroom closet to find a pregnancy test.

I found 1 left over from last year when I took them with Emmett, and quickly looked at the back of the packaging. It said 10/16, now it was 11/16 so I figured I'd just try it even though it was expired. I explained to Wyatt why I was taking it and he said "ya... go for it" as he was watching some show on tv.  We both just thought I was taking it to ease my mind. I peed on the stick and came out to talk to Wyatt, while we waited. A couple minutes passed, I looked down at the test, and it said pregnant. I showed Wyatt and he said "look at that wrapper again." I went back in the trash, grabbed the wrapper, and it said the expiration was 10/17. It wasn't expired after all. I started to feel so overwhelmed. I was 12 weeks postpartum. It didn't make sense. We talked about waiting 2 years for our next baby. I was just starting to feel like I could handle myself, Emmett, and Wyatt. It was a lot to take in. Wyatt and I were googling "could you still have the hcg hormone in your body 12 weeks pp," along with anything else we could thing of. The answer is no, if you were wondering. The longest it can last is up to 6 weeks. Haha!

That same night, Wyatt went to his brother's bachelor party/dinner and I went to target with Emmett and bought 2 packs of pregnancy tests. I couldn't wait to get home to take the test so I Facetimed one of my best girlfriend, and had her "there with me" as I took one test in the Target bathroom. That test also came out positive. It still didn't feel real. We were both shocked. We made some jokes about me being "fertal mertal" and how I literally just took a test in the target bathroom. (lol) But I remember hanging up the phone with her and feeling a little numb. I set up an appointment with my OBGYN whom I had just seen 3 weeks prior for my post partum check up, to now verify this pregnancy. I can't even tell you how long those 6 days were. We found out on I was pregnant on a Saturday, I had an appointment that Monday then another that Wednesday, and had to wait until that Friday to get my results back. In between that entire week of waiting I took 2 more at home tests which ALL came out positive. I was prepared for the answer, but I was still didn't believe it. After the doctors results also came back positive, I started feeling really weird again. I was getting morning sickness, dizziness, and fatigue. I tried to push back my physical exhaustion but the more I pushed the worse it got. When I was pregnant with Emmett, that pregnancy was a literal dream. I didn't feel pregnant until I was like a month out from delivery. So this was so different to me.

I was able to get an early ultrasound because pregnancies this far apart aren't necessarily typical. I was over 8 weeks when we saw her and I just couldn't believe it. There she was (didn't know she was a she yet), but there I was carrying another baby. I kept thinking how weird it was that my body was carrying a different baby. I had carried Emmett for almost 10 months and just gave birth to him 3 months prior. It was all so strange, it's like it finally started to register that I was pregnant again. I had the same worries that I did when I was pregnant with Emmett but now with this pregnancy. Pregnancy is an amazing thing but I don't think people realize just how much mom's worry about their babies even before they are born.

As the days went on I decided to slowly ween Emmett from nursing because my milk supply dropped severely and because it was just too hard to share my body with both babies while trying to take care of myself. Luckily, Emmett was great with the whole thing. He didn't have any resistant issues, as long as he could have his hand in my shirt (haha) which totally worked for us. But up until that physical toll, I felt strong and that I didn't have any postpartum depression symptoms but being physically unable to take care of me and Emmett, the way I wanted to care for him broke my heart. I cried so much out of guilt wishing I could be a better mom for him. But I had no control over my body and that was the hardest trial I had ever experienced. All the while we were moving, and Wyatt was finishing up with last semester at BYU. I don't think I would have been able to get though it all without my incredibly supportive husband. He did so much for us when I was completely out of service. There were times when Emmett's poop would make me want to throw up, so for about a month Wyatt changed almost every single diaper. Emmett and I are really lucky.  I felt this awful for probably almost 2 months, it wasn't until after the holiday's where I felt like I could function again.

That whole experience really gave me empathy for depression, I have my own imperfections and things that I work on everyday but I've never felt so disconnected in my life. It gave me a deeper understanding for those who experience emotional pain. Sometimes we just can't shake a sad and disconnected feeling away and it's ok to reach out to your friends, family, and doctor for help.

Mostly, my symptoms during my first and beginning of my second trimester consisted of nausea, fatigue, loss of appetite, and headaches. I would get these weird rashes though. I have really sensitive skin and break out for random reasons sometimes, but I would get these blotchy hives in the afternoon/evening for a month straight! I never figured out why that happened because one day they just magically went away, but that has probably been the weirdest symptom I've had this far. I also started showing with this baby at 10 weeks, just a month after I fit back in my size 1 jeans... I didn't start showing with Emmett until I was like 24 weeks, it's whatever ;) haha!

I started feeling really good towards the end of January, which was such a relief. That is also around the same time we found out the gender. From the beginning I felt like it was going to be a girl because of how different this pregnancy was from my last. Wyatt thought it was going to be another boy. So did most of our friends and family. I didn't necessarily care either way, but when we saw that she had girl parts, I was so happy. With Emmett I thought he was a girl the whole time, and when we saw him on the ultrasound there was no mistaking that he was a boy. The rest of my pregnancy it was just so weird for me to think I was growing a boy, because I felt like we were supposed to have a girl haha! So when we left the appointment I was in tears because it felt so right to be carrying a her. I knew we were supposed to have a little girl too. We did this all super last minute because we didn't even know if we'd be able to see the gender or not because we did the ultrasound at like 15 weeks. But after we found out, we wanted to surprise our family and closest friends so we thought it was a great excuse to get a cake and reveal it on there!