Thursday, September 29, 2016

Postpartum Update

I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a post like this because they are pretty personal, but I feel like there is SO much I didn't know about postpartum and I never want to forget it. With that being said I'm sure from the title of this post you can tell this post will be TMI... Therefore you have been warned!

The first week after having Emmett was definitely the hardest week of my life. Thankfully, Emmett was healthy and great! I on the other hand had a 2nd degree tear and was so internally swollen. The first 3 days were the worse (pain wise) than my entire labor and delivery... times 3! Haha! I don't say that to freak anyone out, that was just my experience. My epidural made my labor virtually painless and my actual delivery was so quick that I forgot about the extent of that pain almost immediately after it happened.

That whole first day went by so quickly, I was STARVING after delivery because I hadn't eaten since 5AM the day before. I have never been that hungry in my life. Wyatt and I finished 2 whole boxes of the oatmeal cookies by the time we left the hospital! Breastfeeding was difficult. Not for Emmett, but for me. I felt like my entire lower body was in so much pain that I could barely handle the pain of breastfeeding. Every way he latched hurt so bad I had no idea what a "good" latch was supposed to feel like. My swelling was supposed to subside by the end of Emmett's first night but it didn't. I was still so swollen that they put the catheter back in me and we had to stay and extra 24 hrs at the hospital until I could pee by myself, which I wasn't able to do until the next afternoon.

I barely experienced any swelling during my pregnancy but the first week after Emmett was born I was SO swollen. Especially my lower body, like my legs and feet. One of the nurses told me it's because of the IV and all those fluids they had pumping through me during my labor. But it was still totally weird. The lack of sleep was getting to me. The first 3 days Emmett was alive I barley slept. It was a combination of excitement, worry, and the fact that I hurt all over. My milk came in on the 4th day. I wouldn't say that was painful, just weird. My chest had never felt so heavy! After my milk came in, things started to turn around. Emmett was finally getting enough to eat which allowed both of us to sleep. I swear I became a much happier person after I finally got some rest.

For the next couple weeks, I really worked on breastfeeding. I was still pretty sensitive for the first month, but luckily I didn't hurt like the first few days. I was also still trying to find a comfortable way feed. But the pain wasn't the most discouraging part. It was my flow and the amount of milk that I had coming in, the overproduction was nuts. It would get milk everywhere and every time I fed I would have to change my shirt or bra because I would get soaked. I almost favored pumping during that time because I wasn't going through so much laundry with the pump. But breastfeeding got more comfortable as I started to change up my positioning. The "laid back" position is what changed it for me during those super overproducing days. It's still my favorite. I was going through less clothes and Emmett wasn't choking as much. I wished they would have suggested that way in the hospital because the basic hold was the worst for me and Emmett. Poor kid was drowning. 

Overall, I gained 30 lbs at my 41 week appt and as of 6 weeks I was 7 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. During my pregnancy I didn't have any visible stretch marks. But about a few weeks after my delivery I found one above my belly button. Also, when my milk came in I found a few on my chest area. I still don't understand how I went 10 months and only got 1 stretch mark on my belly area, but 3 days after getting my milk I get 4! Our bodies are so weird. I'm not worried about "getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight." Not because I don't care but because I'm more focused on my son. I would love to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight eventually but now I kinda like my mom bod ;) 

I had these really weird post partum guilt feelings my first week. I wouldn't consider them "baby blues" more like intense emotions. I would feel bad for Emmett if he started crying or wasn't completely comfortable (which is crazy I know) but I would cry a lot...Especially when I was happy, it was weird. Thankfully, I have an incredible husband that helps me immensely, and despite my overwhelming feelings he always keeps me calm and I feel 150% supported. I can't imagine having those heightened emotions without him by my side. I feel like I didn't know how to channel this amount of happiness. I would stare at Emmett sleeping/awake and cry because he was so peaceful & sweet. I felt so blessed that he was our baby to care for. I loved having another piece of Wyatt in our home. I also felt this great amount of responsibility, we get to raise him in our home and teach him what we know. It wasn't just Wyatt and I anymore; it became the 3 of us just like that.

Being a mother is such a humbling and selfless experience. If I've learned anything so far it's that being a mom shines a big light on my weaknesses, but allows me to refine them with my husband as we work together and rely on our Heavenly Father. It has brought Wyatt and I so much closer, watching him become a father has me trusting and loving him in a deeper way. It has further strengthen my testimony of the gospel knowing what a miracle we just experienced. I think about Jesus Christ and his Atonement, and the amount of selflessness He had and I compare it to parenthood. The fact that we get to experience that amount of love for our children is such a beautiful gift. <3 

I hope you all have a great Thursday!

XOXO